On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
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