Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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