Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I checked into jail on foursquare
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
