apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
