She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
