both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
