I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
