Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
she peed on how many people?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
