I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
