you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
