if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
