she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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