question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
