Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
