Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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