why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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