Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
