there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
