I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
