I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
