lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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