so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
