i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
my sisters under your porch take her home
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
