I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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