if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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