I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
