It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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