Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
