Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
