totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
