I hope mine doesn't look like that
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
