last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
