if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Randomize
