I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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