I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
