Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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