I wish life had little blips of pornography
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
