Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
