Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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