my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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