Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
