Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
