My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
