I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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