I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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