I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
