dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
