I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
