remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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