i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
